


you don't have to say i love you to say i love you

by mahiwaga



Series: tsukkiyama week 2020!! [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Tsukkiyama Week, kei is a lovefool, kei writes a love letter heehhe, second years!!!!!, tadashi is not so oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26167516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahiwaga/pseuds/mahiwaga
Summary: Kei wasn’t feeling normal lately.He couldn’t figure out if it was the nearing summer weather or the new training routine, but he’s feeling hotter than lately. It was so bad that he even thought of staying home because of an alleged fever.What’s worse was he felt the heat intensify whenever around someone. That someone being Yamaguchi Tadashi, his best friend.Or, Kei struggles to admit and confess his feelings for Tadashi.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: tsukkiyama week 2020!! [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1892893
Comments: 4
Kudos: 83
Collections: TsukkiYama Week 2020





	you don't have to say i love you to say i love you

Kei wasn’t feeling normal lately.

He couldn’t figure out if it was the nearing summer weather or the new training routine, but he’s feeling hotter than lately. It was so bad that he even thought of staying home because of an alleged fever.

What’s worse was he felt the heat intensify whenever around someone. That someone being Yamaguchi Tadashi, his best friend.

It’s been three years since he’s been friends with Tadashi, but in those three years, his heart had never beaten as fast as when Tadashi was applying a band aid on his palm after he slipped during volleyball training.

Kei wasn’t anywhere near being touch-starved or a hopeless romantic. He could care less about love, affection, and the like. Simply put, he was utterly oblivious to his own feelings.

But Kei found himself sitting in front of his computer on a Thursday night, typing out “Is it normal to stare at your best friend for no reason when you’re both boys?” on a search browser, while questioning both his sanity and sexuality. 

He furrowed his brows at the sight of the results. The answer was obvious, but he refused to believe it. Sure, he had nothing against liking someone of the same gender, but he never expected that he would be attracted to boys, and to his best friend of all people.

Kei wasn’t entirely stupid when it came to such topic. He knew without a doubt that falling in love with his best friend had a 50/50 probability of success. And if it did turn out well, they would eventually drift apart for some unknown reason in the future.

While Kei was knee deep in thought, Akiteru, his brother, somehow thought that it would be a great time to barge into his younger brother’s room to randomly check on him.

Akiteru swung the door open, peeking his head inside, “Oi, Kei! What’re you doing?” The concerned older brother asked, a small smile displayed on his face.

Kei’s train of thought abruptly halted as he frantically exited the search browser on his computer. “Homework,” was the only thing the boy could reply before his brother was shoving his face in front of the screen and trying to read whatever he was looking up.

It took Akiteru only a few seconds and a normally functioning brain before he realized. Akiteru was smarter than Kei in this aspect. He might not be at the top of his class but he’s not some dumb loser who’s struggling to admit his feelings for his best friend.

“What kind of homework is this?” Akiteru whipped his head to face Kei, who was desperately trying to avoid eye contact.

Instead of the sharp retort that Kei would usually opt for, there was only silence. The boy’s face drooped as his eyes fell to his lap, unable to find an answer. 

“Are you mad at me?” Kei said quietly.

What Kei asked took Akiteru slightly off balance. He didn’t expect his brother to say something like that. “For what? You using homework as an excuse or you not telling me about this stuff?” Akiteru laughed slightly.

Kei pursed his lips together, still not able to reply properly.

Akiteru ruffled his brother’s hair as he flashed a comforting older brother smile. “If you’re thinking that I’m mad at you for questioning your sexuality, I’m not shallow like that. I’ll support you with everything. If you need any help, you can talk to me, okay?”

Kei nodded, a small curve forming on his pursed lips.

Akiteru shuffled over to the door. Halfway through closing it, he peeked his head in to say one last thing, “Oh, and you better come to terms with your feelings for who that is!” He said, playing safe even if he knew that the reason Kei looked up that question was Tadashi.

It was comforting to know that his brother approved of him discovering himself, but that drove Kei to drill his brain even further.

Needless to say, Kei did not get to sleep properly.

Normally, he would be perfectly fine in class, listening to the lesson, writing down notes, the usual. But, when you have 20% denied feelings, 30% confusion and questioning, and 50% sleep deprivation, you get a malfunctional Tsukishima Kei.

Afternoon practice came and Kei still wasn’t thinking straight. 

With his vision blurry and his head buzzing, it didn’t occur to him that he had jumped in Tobio’s way until he was on the floor with a bruised palm.

“Stupid! Didn’t you hear me?” The setter complained, a hand pressing lightly on his aching waist. 

Coach Ukai sucked his teeth, shaking his head. “Bring him to the infirmary! Resume practice,” he announced, his voice echoing throughout the gym.

Hitoka nodded, understanding the order. She quickly walked away with Kei and Tadashi could only follow them with his eyes.

The blonde girl side-eyed Kei while they walked to the school clinic.

“What’s with you today, Tsukishima-kun?” Hitoka questioned as she applied a band-aid on Kei’s injured hand.

“Nothing,” Kei answered, hoping the manager would drop the topic already.

“Doesn’t look like nothing, but if you say so.”

The boy sat quietly, looking somewhere else.

“I’m going back, okay?” Hitoka announced.

The blonde boy was left with his thoughts again. He swallowed the lump in his throat, thinking about whatever he should do with his problem.

Kei didn’t want to walk home with Tadashi, especially today. Not when he wanted to hold him under the stars. Not when he wanted to warm the air between them with a long, heated kiss. Not when he so desperately wanted to tell his best friend of three years how much he adored him.

But he had to, or else it would just make him suspicious.

To Kei’s surprise, Tadashi reached for his hand. “Is your hand okay now?” The boy asked as he examined the other’s hand.

Kei gulped, restraining the butterflies trying to escape from his stomach. “I’m fine. It’s just a scratch anyway,” he replied, unable to find any more words to say.

Tadashi looked up at him through his lashes. “Good to hear,” he said, his thumb running over the band-aid on Kei’s hand.

Kei was practically at his limit. He felt like he was going to burst right then and there. He thanked the skies that the sun had already set. Maybe that was going to hide his face flushed with pink.

It took him a while to notice, but Tadashi flinched when he realized his hand was holding Kei’s for a little too long already. “Ah! Sorry, Tsukki.”

Kei was a mess. The feeling of Tadashi’s hand in his was making his head spin. The warmth of Tadashi’s skin against his was making him dizzy. He didn’t know that. He tried to convince himself he just wasn’t feeling well. 

_ It’s probably a fever _ , he replayed over and over in his mind.

But it wasn’t going away. Not even shuffling every five minutes under the thick layers of covers and blankets was helping.

“Still Into You” by Paramore started playing faintly from his playlist and Kei unconsciously started thinking about Tadashi, thinking about how Tadashi smiled when Chikara bought pork buns for everyone after training. How Tadashi looked radiant with raindrops trickling down his face while they were running under the downpour. How Tadashi sighed softly when he was having a hard time memorizing English vocabulary before their exam.

Tragic how academically smart people can be absolutely stupid when it comes to everything else. 

Everyone had already noticed the boys’ headache-inducing mutual pining, everyone except Kei and Tadashi who were both too dumb and cowardly to realize their feelings and confess to each other.

To prove the unspoken theory that they actually are in love with each other, they do things that practically say, “I absolutely adore everything about you and I think you’re the coolest person ever. I’ll argue with anyone who says otherwise, even you yourself.”

Hitoka fed herself a spoonful of rice, knitting her eyebrows together. “Hm? What’s wrong, Yamaguchi-kun?” She asked, worried.

“Nothing much. I just think that my freckles are multiplying everyday,” he looked down to his nose, “It’s bothering me,” Tadashi replied, sighing as he brushed his fingertips against his speckled cheeks.

Shoyo chimed in. “But why—”

Kei clicked his tongue, the eyes of the other four flicking to him. “They’re pretty, and yet you hate them. How pitiful your freckles are,” he said, nonchalantly biting on his  _ katsudon _ .

Hitoka, Shoyo, and Tobio sat in silence, staring at one another and not saying anything, as if they were telepaths.

_ He called him pretty, need we say more?  _ Hitoka thought.

_ Are they really  _ **_just_ ** _ friends? _ , Tobio continued.

_ They’re 100% dating _ , Shoyo added.

Weeks passed by and Kei was still stuck in his major clusterfuck of feelings, thinking that repressing them would be a great idea.

However, if you’re Tsukishima Kei and your mind wanders 24/7 with thoughts just full of tracing all sorts of constellations on your best friend’s freckles while your finger hovers over his cheeks, trying your best not to make a sound as he’s sleeping, you’re in deep shit.

Confessing isn’t at all easy, but Kei figured he had to try, at least. So he did, he racked his brain for whatever dumb solution he could come up with. After hours and hours of thinking, he finally had a lightbulb moment.

It was fairly easy, write a love letter to Tadashi, then give it to him but pretend like someone else entrusted the letter to him.

That was what Kei thought, until he had to sit in front an empty piece of paper for about an hour and a half. He was so badly emotionally constipated, but he didn’t know that, of course.

He wasn’t even going to sign it with his name, so why was it so hard?

There was so much he wanted to say that he didn’t know where to start. He didn’t know how much or how little to tell him. He didn’t know exactly how to tell him what he couldn’t even let himself admit. He didn’t know how to let his words flow out without making it too obvious that it was him.

Kei was so fixated on writing the perfect letter for Tadashi that in the end, he wasn’t able to write a thing, but that was the high of Kei’s confidence and if he couldn’t do it now, he would never try again. 

_ Fuck it _ , Kei sighed, his hands pulling at his hair in frustration.

In the end, just one sentence was written on that piece of paper.

_ I like you, Yamaguchi Tadashi. _

The walk home the day after was probably the most excruciating thing Kei had ever experienced in his life. 

It wasn’t that hard to pull the envelope out of his bag and tell Tadashi that a girl asked him to give it to his best friend, right?

No.

Kei was silent, his headphones placed atop his head, like they always were whenever he walked home with Tadashi, except there wasn’t any music playing. Tadashi wasn’t rambling on about his day either.

Kei took off his headphones, letting them hang over his neck.

The blonde boy unzipped his bag, pulling the letter out as casually as he could make it seem. “A girl from another class told me to give you this,” he said, handing the envelope to his best friend.

Tadashi’s eyes widened, his face forming into a puzzle. “Huh? Why would anyone give me a letter?” The boy questioned, pulling on the flap of the brown envelope.

“You’re opening that here?” Kei asked, suddenly growing more nervous.

“Why not? This isn’t a love letter, is it? Doesn’t look like one,” Tadashi answered.

With that, Kei felt his heart sink deep in his stomach. 

_ He’s going to hate it. He’s going to hate  _ **_me_ ** _ if he finds out. Fuck _ , was what was running through Kei’s head at a hundred miles per hour.

Tadashi read the piece of paper in hand, analyzing something. He squinted, seeing the oddly familiar penmanship. 

“What does it say?” Kei asked, as if he wasn’t the one tugging at his hair last night trying to write something.

“Hey,” the boy paused. “Tsukki, are you sure someone asked you to give this to me?”

“Um, yeah…”

“But this is your handwriting.”

Still no answer.

“Tsukki,” Tadashi spoke again. “Did you write this?”

“No. Why would I?”

“I don’t know? But I know that this is your handwriting, though. I borrow your notebooks all the time.”

The blonde boy stood silent, knowing there’s no way out of this now. Kei could only nod, unable to find a reply.

“Wait, shit—Sorry! Are you serious?” Tadashi jumped, still in shock and disbelief.

Kei exhaled, a breath of regret and worry escaping his lips, “I’m sorry, Yamaguchi. You probably hate me now—“

Tadashi hesitantly brought his palms up to Kei’s face, cuffing his cheeks. He looked up at Kei, going on the tip of his toes to press a small kiss on his lips.

The taller boy’s cheeks were tinted with a deep shade of red. He tried to pull away, worried he might burn Tadashi’s hands with the heat of his face. 

“Do you still think I hate you?” Tadashi said, giggling lightly at the nervous wreck in front of him.

Kei pulled him closer, leaning in for another kiss, this time while he held him by the waist and pressed his palm on his cheek.

“I like you so much, Tadashi.”

“Didn’t know that until now,” Tadashi giggled. “I like you, too, Tsukki.”

**Author's Note:**

> hey hey hey!!!! this is my work for day 7 of tsukkiyama week also i missed the other days but lets not talk about that heheheh anyway i hope you enjoyed reading as much as i enjoyed writing this!!!! kudos and comments are appreciated i love you all take care and stay safe always mwah<333 you can find me at @ tskkym on twitter btw!!


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